by Melanie Yarborough

There's a standing joke in the T-Community: when a crossdresser says or does something foolish in public while en femme, they say "Hey, I'm in blonde mode, okay?" i.e. they've temporarily become an empty-headed blonde bimbo.

There's actually a grim truth to this. When crossdressed, many show an indecisiveness, a passivity, even an absent-mindedness they normally don't have. At support group meetings, conversations sometimes seem forced. There are a lot of embarrassed silences; we sit around not knowing what to say. No one seems to want to take charge, and it's hard to plan anything or get anyone to make a committment.

Why? Because of "Gender Intoxication".

Being en femme can be just as intoxicating as alcohol, marijuana, or any other drug. I'm not a biochemist, but it seems there's some kind of release of brain endorphins when crossdressed. The senses are impaired, conversations become harder to follow. Erotic self-absorption is magnified, and logical reasoning is diminished. One is constantly self evaluating: checking oneself out in mirrors or redoing makeup. And on a more sensual level, luxuriating in the feel of feminine garments, perfume, jewelry and other accoutrements of womanhood.

But this creates a dangerous contradiction. When one is out en femme in public, one needs to be twice as alert mentally. There's the ever-present danger of being read, social embarassment, even the threat of physical harm. But precisely by being crossdressed, one is in a dreamy state and less able to handle such conflicts. Why else do we hear so many horror stories of crossdressers who lock their keys in the car or run out of gas?

The solution is to Understand The Intoxication. When going out in public, one needs to do less demanding things, and be prepared to do everything more slowly. In fact, one should consider doing half of one's frenzied plans. Too often there's a sense of "I don't get many chances to be out en femme, so I gotta do as much as I can". Wrong! Keep it simple.

It's like alcohol: to be indulged in judicious doses. Responsible crossdressing? Absolutely.

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